99 ProblemsThe daily struggles of urban living as a quadriplegic explained one by one. It's so much more than not being able to find a parking space.
99 Problems — #11 I Drop Things On The Floor, A Lot
Each time my husband leaves town I’m reminded of how helpless and clumsy I am. That’s because I drop nearly everything, all the time, so much to the point its embarrassing… even when no one is watching. A pen, my phone, the remote control to the TV, keys, drinks, sunglasses, a toothbrush, a fork–there’s really no limiting the objects I’m willing to accidentally toss on the floor. When Cory is home it’s really no big deal. Within seconds the problem is solved. He reaches down, grabs my mistake and plops the object on my desk, or in my lap, or in my hand, and that is that. Sometimes I don’t even have to say anything. The thud from whatever I have dropped will trigger him to scream from the other room, “Coming.” Or “Got it!”
Some say that is true love. I believe it. My dropping habits annoy even me.
When I drop an item and Cory is not here–it’s a full on crisis. Since I cannot reach to the floor from my electric wheelchair, I look to the dog and cat for assistance. Like, just maybe, Riley will gallop over like Beethoven and grab the object with her slobbery mouth, and then pass it over to Zola, the ninja cat, who will find a way to deliver the object to me. But they are never helpful. They sit and stare at me dumbfounded, which is how I imagine I might look to them. With little alternatives, I am forced to channel an old TV friend, Mac Gyver, and find a way to help myself. Kitchen utensils, my car keys, the cat’s toy rat attached to string and a bamboo stick–everything and anything becomes fair game for use. And then literally it turns into a fair game–Can I get the bamboo stick in the cell phone case hole, push it through to the other side, balance the phone on the stick and then toss it into my lap? The answer is yes.
Yesterday, it took me just 35-minutes to do so. It wasn’t pretty, and I nearly gave up. I was prepared to go downstairs and ask the guy at the front desk for help. But just when I least expected it… it happened. With string around my wrist, car keys dangling and my cat’s toy, I somehow managed to pick up my cell phone off the floor. I have proof. The animals saw me do it. I bet they were thinking the same thing I was, This is so sad. And also pathetic.
I can drive a Toyota Sienna but I can barely pick an object off the ground (if at all, sometimes there are failures). If I think about this statement for too long, my mind nearly explodes.
Damn these handicapped hands.
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99 Problems #1 The Attack of the Flying Pens
99 Problems #2 My Kitty Has Super Powers
99 Problems #3 Los Angeles Sidewalks Are Cracked Out
99 Problems #4 Strangers Touch Me
99 Problems #5 I Once Offended a Woman With Lupus.
99 Problems #6 I Hate Parking Garage Ticket Dispensers
99 Problems #7 House Wars
99 Problems #8 I Have Beef With Matt Lauer
99 Problems #9 I’m Having An Identity Crisis
99 Problems #10 Disabled Traveling Is No Easy Feat