Tag archive for ‘99 problems’

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99 Problems — #14 Elevators Can Be Unpredictable–Dicks Are Not

Feeling balanced and hypnotized by the high that comes from bending and stretching, Cory and I left our private yoga session only to be slapped in the face with reality. The elevator button would not light up. After a few minutes of waiting, Cory went up the stairs to see what was going on. The […]

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99 Problems — #12 Looks Like We Might Need Kickstarter To Start A Family

Yes, Cory and I want to rear children one day. And yes, I can carry a full term pregnancy as a quadriplegic. But just because I can doesn’t mean I should–and in fact I’ve opted out of this life experience. It may sound selfish but I don’t want to risk my health for the sake […]

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99 Problems — #9 I’m Having An Identity Crisis

Recently at a party in Los Angeles, a wined enhanced woman-child trapped me in the corner of the room to preach about name changing and its terrible traditions. It was in her opinion that a woman should not take her husband’s last name simply because of marriage, and that doing so displayed weakness. Listening, it […]

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99 Problems — #8 I Have Beef With Matt Lauer

Besides appearing to be a pompous asshole and having a hand in Ann Curry’s morning news departure, Matt Lauer has been misinforming viewers about paralysis for decades. And for this, I loathe him and his leg-crossing ways. To be fair I haven’t watched anything Lauer since Curry-Gate so perhaps he has changed his ways… on […]

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99 Problems — #6 I Hate Parking Garage Ticket Dispensers

Imagine entering a parking garage and having to stop behind a black Toyota Sienna. It appears the person in the driver’s seat is grabbing his/her ticket. So you wait a minute. You wait three minutes. You wonder, What is the hold hold up? You honk your horn. You stick your head out the driver window in attempt to get a glimpse of the moron in front of you who is wasting your precious time. You wait one more minute, but…

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99 Problems — #5 I once offended a woman with Lupus.

When my best friend committed to starting her non-profit, a creative reading and writing endeavor dedicated to inner city kids, she also committed us to attending as many charity events as possible. Kind of like of method acting, we threw ourselves into the Orlando philanthropic endeavor circle in order to learn the process of raising […]

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99 Problems — #4 Strangers touch me.

One Saturday morning on a downtown Los Angeles walking tour, a grey-haired man in a grey pin-striped suit touched me as he passed by. Technically, it was more of a shoulder grab followed by a question.

“How are you doing today?”

The exchange happened fast and was completely unexpected. I would have thought it a figment of my imagination if…

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99 Problems — — #3 Los Angeles Sidewalks Are Cracked Out

The sidewalks of Los Angeles are brutal, and not just for someone who is a wheelchair user. Joggers, skateboarders, bike riders, the elderly, those who push shopping carts up and down the streets—-I think everyone would agree the side walks of Los Angeles need some TLC…

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99 Problems — #1 Attack of the Flying Pens

Everyone knows that inner city DMV offices are the closest manifestations to Dante’s’ Infernos of Hell. So in preparation of being tortured and in attempt to be a good citizen, I called ahead, made an appointment, and arrived to the DMV promptly with a file of all appropriate certificates and titles.

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